This year has been one of epic change for me. I have always had the belief that turning 30 would mean something magical for me, that my life would blossom, and things would make more sense, and I would feel more comfortable in my skin. And, just like anything we put our belief into, these changes are occurring. But this is definately not a case of faery godmothers waving wands and all is peachy! Nope, I'm on a journey that is far more rewarding than that!
My winter involved a lot of withdrawal from the world; this blog for starters, but also groups and activities I've been involved with in the past, and even from friends and family to a certain extent, as I gathered my personal resources close to myself, giving me some much needed energy for a deep clean of my heart and my mind, but still enabling me to continue giving my sweet boy what he needs.
I was cleaning out some suitcases from my previous life (pre mama!), and found an old sketch book which I had scribbled down a quote in. Though I have no idea where it is from, who wrote it, or where I read it, I think it sums up so much about where I am right now. It's the kind of thing I think is relevant for us all, and is worth sharing.
"All sustaining change that will benefit my life will take an exchange of something I would rather hang on to. This truth however has an extremely bright side; If I am willing to make the sacrifice then what I aim for will become increasingly evident and rewarding."
It is now written up on a chalkboard in my kitchen. When things get tough, I read it, and it sustains me, and inspires me :-).
I also had the blessing of reconnecting w a childhood friend Rebekah, in one of those magical ways that the universe uses to remind you that you are on the right path. I had been having the feeling that I needed to supplement my 'work' (counselling, reading etc) with something that shifted my 'stuff' on a more cellular level, and low and behold, back into my life walked Rebekah, who in the 17ish years since we last saw each other, has become a Zero Balance practitioner. I'd never heard of ZB, and though I shall try to to ramble on too much, I do think it is worth a mention. Zero Balancing works on the energy that is stored in our bones, much of which can be negative energy. The process is pretty amazing, but feels really simple and relaxing, and during both my first and second sessions what I experienced was undeniably healing! Undeniably!
I guess with any ammount of change there is risk involved. When you reach a point in your life where the risk of staying the same outweighs the risk of change, then big things start to happen.
My partner and I seperated just over a month ago now, and so we are working together as best we can to provide all the love and support, fun and magic, cuddles, snuggles, adventures, games and stories that our darling boy needs and deserves (and that we both so gladly want to give him!), from two houses now, instead of one. I guess I may write about that a little more as time goes on, but right now, that is probably enough information :-).
So here I am! Feeling excited about what all this newness shall bring, and rather hopeful and more inspired than I have felt for a long time, but most of all I am feeling a renewed confidence in myself, and my ability to make the absolute best of whatever comes my way.
'The day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.' Anais Nin
And, for anyone that remembers this photo of chaos, here is an update! Yup, big changes happening around here, all over the show!